so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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