We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize