My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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