Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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