i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
