Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
