there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
