dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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