I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
