Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
