"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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