I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
