I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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