Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
