I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
