yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
