John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
