Are we in a gay sports bar?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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