All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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