On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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