Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
