You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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