Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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