Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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