how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
