good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
