Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize