it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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