The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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