It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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