this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
