Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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