No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
