i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
