I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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