It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
