How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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