You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
