I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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