it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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