no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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