Banned from zoo.
Again?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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