Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
