I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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