ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
