I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
