drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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