I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i out mim tonsoeep
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
