My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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