yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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