I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
