glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
