ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
