My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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