omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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