I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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