toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I want a musical about memes.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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