I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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