Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Is it because I queefed?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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