they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
