You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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