she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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