bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
