yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She needs sedatives and a leash
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
