she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
