I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
