What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
