My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
