I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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