maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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