Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
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Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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