Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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