I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
