oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
