So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
