is your mom at the bar?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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