I'm going to jail i love you
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
